Mistakes
by Redllow
Summary: Maybe it was your fault, maybe it was mine. Who knows? Charles/Raven, Erik/Raven.


Disclaimer: Sadly, I don't own X-men and you know it.

**A/N:** Sooo, hi there. This is my first fic ever and I'm kind of nervous with it. Charles' POV.

And another thing, English is not my first language so if you see any mistakes (that I'm sure there will be) please let me know. Hope you enjoy!

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><p>''You said you would keep her safe! ''<p>

He launches himself at you, knocking you both off the ground. You feel a fist on your face.

''You promised!''

Another one. You suddenly are his very own punching bag.

''This is all your fault…_Punch_ She is… _Punch_ Oh God…''

You just lay there, taking everything he throws at you. You deserve it.

* * *

><p>"You're not… scared of me?"<p>

"I was believed I could be the only one in the world. The only person that was… different. And here you are. Charles Xavier."

"Raven"

* * *

><p>''Mother, this is Raven. From now on she will be staying with us.''<p>

A blond little girl stretched her hand at your mother. The older woman just looked at her hand, brushing it away.

''And who are you to make such decisions might I ask?'' She said with a deathly tone.

''I-I just thought it wouldn't be an inconvenient!''

''Insolent child, you think you can control everything in this house by _thinking?_'' Funny thing you actually can.

''I'm sorry!''

''Silence! I've had enough of you and-!''

''I've got nowhere to go.'' Raven spoke for the first time.

The woman's ice cold eyes didn't get any warmer.

''That is not my problem.''

''Please Ms. Xavier! I won't bother you, in fact… I'll make myself useful!'' She begged with the best puppy look she could manage.

''Fine. You can live here, but you will help me whenever I need assistance. You will be with me tomorrow in fact, I need to buy more clothes for me… and now for you as well.'' She looked at Raven judgingly.

Raven flinched. She'll get used to it. You did.

''But… don't expect me to adopt you. You will not be wearing my late husband's name by any chance, I will not allow it. And anything should happen to you, is not my responsibility.'' You could not believe your mother heartlessness.

''As you wish.''

''Good, off to bed now. Charles search a room for her or she'll sleep on the woods.''

''Yes mother''

''I will go to sleep, I expect both of you not to disturb me.''

You led Raven to her new room; it was a spare room next to yours.

''You know… that woman is really scary. Is she really your mom?''

''Unfortunately, yes. And you haven't seen the worst of her yet.'' You say chuckling.

''Maybe I should think this over…'' She said with a playful smile.

''You're not leaving this house anymore, missy! Now, let's find out if you're ticklish…''

* * *

><p>''Charlie! There is something I need to talk to you about! '' A nine year old Raven yells at you.<p>

''Raven, can't you see I'm busy? You look up from your book with an arched eyebrow.

''Nope, I only see a very ugly kid with a very ugly and boring looking book, in his very ugly and boring little world.'' She says smiling.

''Oh! So I'm ugly now?''

''Yes, and boring.''

''And why is that, dear Raven?'' You say chuckling.

''Because you're not blue, of course!''

''That doesn't make any sense!'' Another set of chuckles escapes you.

''Yes it does! I heard your mom saying the most beautiful color in the world is blue.'' The woman was probably deciding if she wanted _sea blue _curtains or _sky blue_ ones.

''So…?'' You say rather confused.

''So! I'm blue, and I was thinking… since your mom likes blue so much, maybe I could you know, be myself! She wouldn't mind!'' She says with a hopeful smile.

How do you tell a little girl that she can't show her true self to the world, when every other brother or parent tells their own children to be themselves, to be unique, to be whoever they wanted?

How do you explain her that the moment she is seen, she will be taken away from you?

''Raven… You can't.''

She drops her smile.

How do you tell her that she will be considered a monster?

You just don't, you make up some excuse. A promise you made with her the day she got into your life.

''You know you can't, it's a secret between the two of us. We swore on it, remember?''

And she's smiling again.

She doesn't need to know.

She doesn't need to know about cruelty or prejudice. She will someday, but not today.

But… there is a part of you that is not thinking about Raven's happiness.

This side, it only thinks of Charles Xavier.

What will happen when she is taken away? What will happen to _you?_

You will be alone again, alone in empty hallways of a magnificent mansion. With a mother that loves a bottle of fine whiskey or a fur coat, more than her own son.

''Right! _' I'll keep yours if you keep mine'_.'' She says, imitating your voice.

''Exactly''

And you feel awful. But you tell yourself that you do it for her happiness, not your selfishness.

''What would you say if I read you a book?''

''Yes, please!''

* * *

><p>Years later you find yourself in the same position.<p>

''Would you date me?''

''Of course I would. Any man would be lucky to have you.'' You don't even bother to look up from your work.

''Looking like this.'' That gets your attention.

''B-blue?'' The slight quiver of your voice, the disbelieving look on your face, the word itself seems to disappoint her. And she has every right to be.

You don't feel so awful anymore. You wonder if you are becoming one of _them._

_Them _being those Raven had to hide herself from.

People who don't understand.

People who don't know what it feels like to be different.

People that don't care if they leave scars, physically or emotionally.

Now she knows of cruelty and prejudice.

She's been judged by those that had seen her. They almost took her from you, because of her blue skin they're so afraid of.

And you wonder again… if she's gone, what will happen to _you?_

You will be alone in a magnificent mansion. Not even the mother that didn't love you will be there, for she is long dead.

You are there for her when she needs you. You try to protect her from anything and anyone.

But in the end… you only do it for yourself.

She meets a boy.

Hank McCoy.

He hides, ashamed of his feet as she is with her skin.

''You are amazing…''

''Really?''

They find comfort in each other; they only want to feel…

''Normal.''

Hank tells her she might be the key to their problems. A cure. You silently encourage her.

''Kinky!''

But there is a man that refuses. This man thinks her beautiful when she is blue and a monstrosity when she is blond.

''If I looked like you… I wouldn't change a thing.''

Erik Lehnsherr.

A man that has gone through so much, an angered man. A man that no matter how much you try him to see the error of his ways, he has already made up his mind. He knows what he wants to do, and he will do it. With or without your help.

You think he interferes every time Raven talks with Hank because he doesn't want her to take the cure, because he fears for her mutation.

You later find you are wrong.

Erik and you were playing chess outside, how unusual. You see Erik with staring at something, pure and angry jealousy marring his features. You follow his stare. You find Raven. She noticed him staring, she blushes and looks away.

He knows you saw him.

''You know… you can't keep her forever.''

And he knows _your _secret.

''I don't understand.'' You lie.

''She doesn't need to change, and genius boy is not making her see that. And neither are you.'' He stands up.

''If you won't … _I_ will.'' He leaves.

You look at Raven watching him leave and you're worried.

Hank you could handle, but Erik… is a whole different case.

Hank would find a cure for her; her blue skin would be gone. She could walk anywhere she wanted without fear of being judged, without having to concentrate to keep her disguise. But… you know that's not what she wants.

She wants to be able to walk proud and without fear in her natural form, her _blue _form. But she can't. She'sdifferent_._ She can't be part of the world you live in.

Erik would walk with her, the _real _her. He would hold her blue hands, kiss her blue lips and whisper in her blue ear how much he adores her _blue _skin. She would be happy, truly happy. But then she'd leave you. She'd have a world to live in, Erik's world.

You can't let that happen. Why?

The same answer you've been giving yourself all these years.

You'll be alone. No matter how many teenagers run around the mansion, you won't have _her_.

You push Hank and Raven together more than ever. Even if they start a relationship you know it wouldn't last after they took the cure. Without their physical mutation they wouldn't have anything in common and their fire would extinguish.

You are being selfish, not for the first time and certainly not for the last.

* * *

><p>She comes to you in the kitchen one night, wearing nothing but her blue skin. Just like the night you met.<p>

''Sometimes I wonder what would my life been like if you hadn't found me here that night.''

Yellow eyes watching you, drinking every movement.

''Say what? Oh…For god's sake Raven! Where are your clothes? P-Put some clothes on!''

''That's not what you said when you first saw me. But pets are always a lot cuter when they're little, right?''

''I don't know what's gotten into you, Raven. I thought you'd be in a good mood. Hank told me he found the answer to your... cosmetic problem.''

No answer.

''Are you going to tell me what's the matter or do I have to read your mind?''

''You promised me you'd never do that.''

''Up until now… I never had to.''

She watches you again. The same cold stare she gave you earlier. Strangely, it hurts.

It's like she's the telepath now. Studying you carefully. She has changed, it feels like she's a whole different person.

''You know I used to think it would be me and you against the _world_. But no matter how bad the world gets, you don't want to be against it, do you? You want to be a part of it.'' You wonder when she became so good at reading people.

You couldn't resist. You read her mind. You had to know the source that produced the changes in her.

You find Hank and her sitting and talking. He hands her the cure.

She questions why they should hide from the rest of the world.

He tells her she'd never be accepted as she truly is. She'd never be a part of the world.

You feel how hurt she was. The disappointment she felt.

Then she goes to the only person that admired her blue skin, Erik.

He tells her to leave. She stays. He compliments her. He tells her she's beautiful. He kisses her.

They make love.

You know you lost her. The pains in your chest are foreign to you.

You question yourself what do you feel for her. You depend on her? You care for her?

Do you _love _her?

You don't know. You only know you betrayed her trust, you shouldn't have read her mind.

But you wanted to know. You_ had _to, didn't you?

You feel more lonely than ever.

Regret is your best friend.

* * *

><p>It takes eighteen years, an almost World War III and a bullet to your spine to realize your feelings for her.<p>

Yes, you love her.

But it's too late.

''You should go with him… It's what you want.''

''You promised you'd never read my mind.'' You see tears threatening to fall from her eyes.

''I promised you great many things, I'm afraid.'' Too many promises. You can't stop a tear from falling.

You are letting her go, maybe this way all your sins will be forgiven. Maybe she'll forgive you one day for all those times you didn't listen to her hidden pleas of reassurance.

You were wrong from the very beginning.

But it's too late to apologize.

She takes Erik—no, _Magneto's_ hand.

She's gone.

You lost two people today, the two most important people of your life.

Your heart aches, you feel alone. There are many with you, but none of them are enough.

You feel your heart shattering and there is only one that could mend it. Funny how your entire existence revolves around one person but you never realized it until it was too late. But she's gone with the man you think as a brother.

Hank tells you to stay still. For the first time you realize that even if you wanted to, you can't move.

''I can't feel my legs…''

''What?''

''I-I can't feel my legs… I can't feel my legs…'' You wonder if heartbreak can cause inability to move.

Don't be ridiculous Charles. You remember the bullet.

The Americans come to your aid. They bring a chopper with a medic aboard.

''We must take him to a hospital immediately!'' He says, so they do.

At the hospital they tell you with those sympathetic eyes that you will never walk again. _Never_.

You feel numb. So much has happened; you're so tired to feel angry or depressed.

Maybe tomorrow.

* * *

><p>A year and many events after-erasing Moira's memories, getting used to be in a wheelchair, founding a school—Erik visits you. He's alone. Helmet always present.<p>

''Good to see you, my friend.''

After all that's happened, you still consider him as a friend. Maybe not a brother, but certainly a friend. There is no point in being mad anymore. You don't blame anyone. The past is in the past, you must look forward.

You wonder if he feels the same.

''It's been too long.'' He shakes your hand.

''Too long indeed. How have you been?''

''Well enough, we've been taking everything we needed from Shaw's bank account.'' He said with a smirk.

''Nobody noticed?'' You say chuckling.

''Mystique makes a very believable Sebastian Shaw.''

Ah, Raven. You wonder if the use of her ''chosen'' name is his way of mocking you. _She's with me._

You're about to ask how she's doing—

''I'm sorry Charles.''

But he interrupts.

''I know. All is forgiven, and forgotten.''

''We didn't know… If we had we wouldn't have left that way, I swear.'' You believe him, fool.

''I know, Erik… Do not worry.'' You smile reassuringly.

''But… I still wouldn't have changed my ideals. I know I'm right.''

''I respect your decisions my friend. You are free to choose your own path.'' And so was Raven. And she did choose.

She didn't choose you.

An unstoppable flow of bittersweet memories come to you. Anguish seems to emanate from you, even Erik can feel it.

''Charles, I can see it in your eyes… curiosity is eating you alive. Go ahead and ask.''

''H-How is she?'' Your throat closes more and more.

''Very well. She's so much better with her mutation now. Azazel is teaching her self-defense. She's got natural talent.''

That's not what you want to know. Not really.

Is she happy? Are the others treating her well? Are _you_ treating her well? Are you _with_ her?

Does she miss me? Does she ever talk about me anymore? Does she even remember me? You want the all those answers, but you don't dare ask the questions.

''Why isn't she here?'' You ask, finding your voice once again.

''She…couldn't come. She's sick.''

She couldn't, she's sick…or you wouldn't let her? You thought Erik would be a better liar.

You don't know why, but you tell him one of your deepest secrets.

''You know… In my entire life with Raven I've only been afraid of one thing, people seeing her skin.''

He was about to argue with me but I stopped him.

''I've always known that she'd be taken away from me if they did. And that's exactly what happened. ''

He understands, he is the one that took her after all.

''I must go. There are things I need to do.'' Or are you fleeing, Erik?

''Can you tell her… can you tell her that I love her?''

It does not matter how she understands it.

It doesn't matter if _he_ knows it's not brotherly love.

''I will.'' With a nod, he's gone.

It doesn't matter because he won't.

You're alone in a magnificent mansion full of teenagers, the mother that never loved you is long dead, and the woman you've ever loved is with the man you used to think as a brother.

You don't see the sun these days, but maybe you will tomorrow.

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><p><strong>AN:** WOOOOOOOOOOOOOO I finished! I can't believe it :D This whole chapter was around First Class, obviously. X1, X2 and X3 will be all in one chapter, the next one. And the first part will be explained (hopefully), don't worry.

I hope you liked it. Please review.


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